"Not in front of a moving car, girls."

That was just one of several very interesting things that I said today. It's been quite the interesting day, let me tell you. Saw Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. Got some things to say about that, I do, but I ended up in a bit of a tight spot about it.

Here are the facts:

(A)

Two months ago, my girlfriend booked a couple of days to spend with her best friend. Not booked off work, she just booked a weekend on her calender, because that is the only way they can actually spend time together. She didn't want to join me for breakfast with my grandparents, she didn't want to rent Brokeback Mountain because they had movie and TV-DVD plans that they didn't want to change.

SO (B)

Pretty much anything short of profuse bleeding or exploding kitchenware (or some crazy mix of the two) was not going to make her change her plans with her friend. This was so apparent that it evolved from an active thought in my head to a solid little nugget of information that, along with many other little nuggets. (Example: Water is wet.) These little nuggets are as unchangeable as a flash movie, without the original construct. (The original construct representing her telling me that her iron-clad, no-gay-cowboy-weekend plans had changed.)

AND (C)

She wanted to see Pirates this weekend when I went to go see it, as she knew I had plans to go see it opening weekend, because I do try to keep my schedual promises to you guys. I give it my all, I do. However, I had plans to see it at 3 or 3:30. With others as well. She knew this.

SO (D)

When she called me up at breakfast with my grandparents and asked if we could see the 2:00 show, so that her friend could come because she had to be somewhere for 5pm, and I said no, because I had myself a set schedual (it bears mentioning that this breakfast was after 12:00, as it was a Saturday and at Pizza Hut) regarding an item I need to ship, and contacting people about the movie, and then buying the tickets,

I ASSUMED (E)

that going to see a movie that plays every half-hour at most theatres in the city wasn't going to trump the time she'd specifically roped off to spend with her best friend, two months prior.

BUT (F)

when I went home, which was unexpected even for me, to put pizzas in the fridge, and for no other purpose, though I did some other thing while I was there, and I was opening the door to go out again, she asked, "Where are you going?" and I answered, "To the movie!" she in turn protested, "But I wanted to see that with you!"

(G)

It bears mention here that as she said this, she was sitting next to her friend on the futon, with Pride and Prejudice well into itself on the DVD player.

(H)

She asked if we couldn't see a later one, and I explained that I had already bought the tickets. I told her that it was playing in twenty minutes, approximately nineteen minutes away (with haste), and if she wanted to see it, she needed to be in the car, "now."

(I)

She didn't get up.

(J)

So I left.

Now, those of you with girlfriends are thinking one of two things. You're either thinking, "Right on, man, you tell her," in which case you should be smacked, or you're thinking, "You're a dead man."

After the movie, I mentioned that she had wanted to see it with me, so I was in trouble. It was suggested that they would back me up in a lie, so I made it clear that she had known I was going to see it. It was agreed that I may be in a spot of trouble, but if she was working or something, it was pretty much excusable. I explained that she was at home when I left, and they wanted the rest of the details, so I explained ABCDEFGHIJ. Jason's girlfriend offered me this piece of helpful advice: "You're gonna be skinned alive!" I'm kind of wishing she didn't have that grin on her face when she said it, but what can you do?

So I was trying to think of exactly what I was going to say when I walked in the door, as I got into my car outside of the theatre. As I pulled out onto the freeway to head home, my phone rang. I have call display.

Ring

"We can go see the movie now."

"What?"

"I love you."

"Where are you?"

But that's only part of my day. I'll tell you the rest tomorrow.