Day One - July 10, 2005

Well, we drove a lot today, and then we got to where we were going. There was nothing really interesting about the drive, but we still came up with some good material for future episodes of things we haven't put up yet. (It's coming, don't worry.)

I'm not dead yet.

Yeah, but he was the one doing all the driving.

Incidentally, I haven't even been horsewhipped yet. It's so nice and easy, I don't have anything to worry about. No fans for me yet.

The place we're staying at is about a half-hour out of Jasper. It's a nice little cabin with four apartments. We get one of them.

It's slanted. Like, total vertigo.

We have no kitchenette, so we ate cold chef boyardee, but we didn't pay for anything more, so we were happy just to get a private bathroom with a bathtub in it, and they have a coffee maker. Jason won't let me use it to cook the macaroni.

Why drink coffee when you have red bull?

But we have a fireplace we're not going to use, so that's cool. Town was fun, we bought something for our Magi display case, which we don't have, and we learned a lot about lizards.

In Jasper. Don't ask.

I've been looking over some more material, which will go up very shortly. This is being written before we have our new site look, but we've talked over the designs, and I don't know if they'll be up before this is. Probably not, because we move the day after we get back. Anyway, Jason's finished playing gameboy, and we've had enough chips and dip for the night. (She bought me chips and garlic dip. Garlic. What other girlfriend would buy the garlic?)

Day Two - July 11, 2005

We barely got out before checkout time.

But we were awake an hour and a half before that, because the stupid cleaning people woke us up when everyone else was at breakfast. If the checkout time is 11, why would they try to clean at 9:30?

They were probably just trying to get as much done as possible in the short time they have. I mean, with how thorough they clean, I mean they clean sheets and everything, too.

Think about it, do you really expect all guests to arrive at once? No, they arrive throughout the day. They can clean it, check it off, and move on.

Well, if you're closing, you want to get as much of your closing stuff done as fast as possible, don't you?

They can take roll call at breakfast or something.

Have you ever managed a hotel? I didn't think so.

The woman called me back about the booking. She left me a message saying we're booked near Banff on the 13th, but we wanted the 12th. It's been straightened out without incident. Tonight, we sleep in town. I dropped the ball on the booking, and we are limited to a single bed, because we are cheap. I get the floor.

This bed isn't as comfortable as the ones yesterday anyway. Maybe it's because I only have one pillow.

I'm not giving it back. We've had all the time in Jasper we needed to do anything we would have wanted to do on a budget. Strangely enough, this involved buying things. We went swimming, too, but that was merely relaxing, and not supposed to be constructive in the least. But we're rebels, so we got some work done anyway.

It feels like this bed tilts this way. It's more comfortable with my head at that end.

My heart bleeds for you. For the second day in a row, we sat on a rooftop balcony to eat. Different one, too. This one had a better view, and a hammock. And umbrellas, and an overhanging... thing... to block the rain. We dined, we sat and worked, and we tipped well. I can't wait to dig in to my can of cold tortellini in the morning.

My soup is meant to be heated. I'm not gonna have any till we get back or have a microwave. Unlike you, I can afford fast food. In theory.

On that note, do your own damn typing.

We couldn't find a whale.

Day Three - July 12, 2005

Today we learned that garlic chip dip containers do not take well to being underwater. It didn't survive the trip.

And we wanted to pee off the bridge we wanted to build.

Okay, the day didn't start off on the right foot because neither one of us had as good a sleep last night as we had in the cabin. We started the day with some driving. Then more driving. Then we stopped for a while. Then we drove again. To Banff we went, and we got lost there, because we can't communicate. We saw some things that led us to believe that a woman in Jasper might have been BS-ing us, but we didn't spend the $1200 on that thing anyway. That's more than I spend in a month, all expenses included. We ended up buying food in a claustrophobic little place that wanted so very much to be mexican.

See what I don't get is why all them foreign people that were there came to Canada to eat in a Mexican restaurant. Eh, I guess part of Canada is that we're so eclectic. Good fresh crust on their pizza.

We learned about art from a guy who had a lot to say. Actually, he was very good. Quite the salesman, with a real subtle technique. We both ended up basically getting hit on by a couple of women. We were gentlemen about it, and so we waited until we were well past them to snicker and make inappropriate comments to each other.

Oh, and if this is either of our girlfriends reading this, ignore that last statement.

Oh, and my credit card sucks right now, but that might have been my fault. I'm not sure. I might have been double-billed for something. And we found the wolf, but the whale and the birds eluded us. And I think my soft-boiled egg was raw, but I was too tired and stupid to notice at the time. So now we're snacking on left-over pizza and chips, from a bag that has no end. We're impressed with it. And we don't impress easily.

Ooh, an air conditioner!

So the room we're in now has a fridge. No microwave, nothing to heat anything with, unless we stuck it on the back of the tv, but we have a fridge.

Just somewhere to keep our beers... if we had beers. However... This might be a smart idea.

Jason is putting the cooler in the fridge. He has to re-arrange several shelves, but that's not stopping him. And tonight, I sleep in a bed!

Should I sleep on the floor just to even things out?

We tried to go to Germany today. But our trip was cut short when we realized the Alps were just the Rockies.

Um... And my chin keeps feeling like someone punched it. Whoever got into a drunken brawl on Canada Day and didn't tell me about it sucks.

Didn't a sasquatch just tap on our window? Oh, no, it was Frankenstein. He just wants to borrow some honey. I'll get it. He's gone! Oh, ok. Guess he misses out on the honey.

You're dreaming, Jason, you're not even really typing. Wake up.

Day Four - July 13, 2005

We decided three days ago to cut a day off our trip. That's probably a good thing, since we didn't really find as much in Banff as we did in Jasper. That's a message: You can fit a lot more in a smaller space for less money than you can fit in a larger space with a lot more money. I don't know how it works either. We're on the road heading back right now, but of course, I know that no one will read this until after we get there. So I'm going to pretend I'm already there.

...

...

Now I'm bored.

We could talk about Calgary.

Well, we didn't really do much in Calgary.

We drove in circles around our friends' place, because the road was being cut up and closed for two blocks, then on a whim we went to the zoo, and fed the animals. And by feeding the animals, I mean ogling the women. (Again, girlfriends, ignore.)

Then we went back to the car, ate the rest of the food that does not require boiling water, and put our garbage in a bag that ultimately tore a hole in itself and made a mess of the car. I didn't get any sun screen in my eyes today, which made me feel better than I felt when I did.

I didn't get to see any meese.

So yeah, didn't really do much. I've decided that eventually, I'll go back into the rockies for the icefields, and I'll play tourist in the worst way. I'll bring someone with me, of course, so I'm not just some lone wacko. I'm glad my laptop has really good speakers, for a laptop. We have music that isn't on one of the cds we've already listened to. So in closing, I apologize for my complete lack of visual taste, and we'll have a much better setup here very soon, if not already.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... Oh wait, I'm supposed to be driving.