HA! Now Jason's keyboard belongs to me! I not only have his page, I have his keyboard as well. I feel so insidious!

Okay, which movie do we review?

I guess I'd better come up with a snazzy introduction that nobody's going to read. Aww.

Uh... bu... whatzi-uhh...

Oh, I forgot. He's at the keyboard. Whatever we say, he types.

No, seriously, 300 or GHOST RIDER?

Well, I didn't see 300, so I'm gonna vote for GHOST RIDER.

Oh god. I don't think you have to put that one in there.

That line actually doesn't make a lot of sense there.

This is going to be a 700 page post, because this lunatic is just writing everything we say.

I'm alright with that. I just finished all the Tylenol Cold yesterday, and I don't know where the rest of the Tylenol is.

But seriously, we're going to review a movie now. I guess it'll be GHOST RIDER.

Ooh, Ultra Relief Tylenol.

We'll have to make Tylor see 300 now. I think he'll enjoy it.

There's boobies in it! Lots and lots of boobies.

You had me at 300, but boobies is just the icing on the cake.

Dude, most of those were man boobies.

But they were boobies nonetheless! Wait, can I take that back? I don't like man boobs, besides they weren't man boobs, they were pecks.

I thought we were reviewing GHOST RIDER.

It can be a two-in-one.

But I didn't see 300!

Make believe! Think TROY with a lot more special effects and more boobies.

And no Legolas?

Yeah, no Legolas, no Brad Pitt, in fact nobody that I specifically recognized from anywhere specific.

There were only four boobies in 300.

Who cares about the boobies! Let's talk about GHOST RIDER!

I care about the boobies.

I think Tylor must not like boobies.

No comment. So GHOST RIDER, I thought it was a good movie.

Good segue. Seriously, I'm impressed. But yeah, it was one of the better comic book movies. Better than some comic book movies.

What's a see-giu?

Segue, you idiot. It's a platform with wheels you can ride around on.

I was asking Mark.

I honestly don't know what a see-giu is.

Then why are you using it?

I'm not, you did.

.......I don't wanna argue this further.

Yeah, that's because you suck.

Yes, GHOST RIDER was a good movie.

Nicholas Cage does a good job no matter what he's in.

Yup, if it wasn't Nicholas Cage, the movie would have been crap. Or very close to crap.

It wouldn't have been as good, definitely. In fact, I would even go so far as to say it would have been less good than it was.

You tell 'em. The bad guys sucked in it, though. Seriously.

Overacted, definitely. They were really lame and weak.

Well, I wouldn't say they overacted, I'd say they were compensating for the horrible character design. I mean in the comics, they were big freaking monsters. I think.

Well, they had to get in all the acting they possibly could, what with having so little screen time and even less in the way of spoken lines.

Yeah, they didn't get much opportunity to show off bad guy abilities, either.

They all just showed up and said, "This is what I do."

They each had a specific introduction and that was it.

Yeah, Nicholas cage... I mean, Ghost Rider just had to--

Johnny Blaze.

Okay, fine, Johnny Blaze just had to go, "Okay, that's what you do and this is how to beat you." He didn't really have much of a challenge at any point, except for the times when he got his ass kicked.

Yeah, they each got easier, didn't they? At least the first one smashed him with a truck.

Well, they were working together on that one. Their mistake was they separated.

They shouldn't have let their bad guy code get in the way of victory. The code of We know you're on our side, but we have to show we're evil by not caring you're dying. Even though we were hanging out for what the viewers can only assume was most of eternity.

They were separated though. Black Heart called them together. Before that they were alone.

You don't know that. Do you know that? I don't know that.

Yeah, I know that, it said so in the books Johnny Blaze was reading.

Did not. The books said they existed, not where they were hanging out.

No, the books stated they were hiding in the elements, which implies they were alone.

There is dirt, water, and air in a biker bar. I am sure of it.

Well just 'cause the elements themselves are together doesn't mean they were hiding in the same spot where those elements were collected.

...So?

Okay then. Point to Tylor.

(pointing)

Dammit. Say something, Jason!

(cough)

I liked the Devil, though. He was classy.

Did anybody else notice that the Devil looked like Dracula in the old movie, with the white hair and the widow's peak?

He kinda reminded me of Jack Nicholson. He had a similar... I don't know what.

I don't know how you got Jack Nicholson from that.

Jack Nicholson is the devil, stupid.

I don't think he'd appreciate you saying that.

What, he doesn't like a sentence with more than one of his names in it?

Just look at him, though. He's got the horns and the eyebrows.

Kay, forget it, we're off topic again. Nicholas Cage.

Yeah, he was good in NATIONAL TREASURE.

Wouldn't it be cool if he did the flame thing in NATIONAL TREASURE? They're all like, "Hey man, we're taking the Declaration of Independence and you can't do shit!" And he's like, POOF, "Look into my eyes!"

That's an excellent idea for a sequel. We shoud write that.

What about FACE OFF? Could both characters do that, and have it be a Ghost Rider versus Ghost Rider?

They couldn't do FACE OFF, you idiot. His face just disappears when he goes, POOF, "Look into my eyes!"

I gotta give you that one. Another point for Tylor.

Awesome!

Are we tallying these points?

I wonder how long until the Tuttles in AMERICAN CHOPPER decide to make a Ghost Rider bike? Well, I guess they wouldn't unless asked by Nicholas Cage or something.

Nicholas Cage is a good actor. Did you see him in GONE IN 60 SECONDS?

What would the freaken' mustang have turned into if he'd gone Ghost Rider in GONE IN 60 SECONDS?

That would make me care about cars. Seriously, that would do it. What with the engines, with all their little pieces inside... I might learn those.

What would go faster, the Ghost Rider bike or a Ghost Rider mustang?

It doesn't matter, dude. Did you see the horse? Anything that goes Ghost Rider goes the same speed.

Oh. What would go faster, the Ghost Rider bike or Superman?

Does Superman have a soul?

I dunno, do Kryptonians have souls?

Well, if they do, he could be like, POOF, "Look into my eyes," and Superman's gone. Oh, wait, Superman's not evil, so he couldn't go, POOF, "Look into my eyes."

But if Superman's there, he's gotta be there for a reason, cause he's fighting evil.

So he could, but it wouldn't work. I like how we turned Ghost Rider from a name into something you do to things.

I'm wanna Ghost Rider a pencil!

Cool, it would write with fire!

And from across the room! Then I would be the Ghost Writer.

That was a good show. What do you think would happen if Ghostwriter went Ghost Rider?

What the hell is Ghostwriter?

What do you think is faster, Ghostwriter or Ghost Rider?

As in words per minute verses miles per second?

Yes.

I liked 300.

Points: Mark=0 Jason=0 Tylor=2

Yes! His head did make a poofing sound, didn't it? I'm not the only one that heard that, right?