Jotted down by Mark, on Jason's computer, then emailed to Tylor for personal touching, before being passed, with the buck, back to Mark.

Is anybody else starving? Because I’m starving.

Well, you could have had something back at my place, but you’re on that stupid diet.

The Mark Sandwiches diet? Yeah, it sucks.

You can’t eat anything I make?

No sandwiches.

So burgers are fine?

Too close to a sandwich.

How about hot dogs?

I think that's still in the same family.

What family? How about fajitas?

You know what, shut up. Greatest f*****g movie ever. They couldn’t have done that any better. If they could have, they would have. They pulled out every goddamn stop there was.

The tributes to the old movie were awesome.

I didn’t see a single thing I didn’t like.

They didn’t waste a lot of time with human character development before introducing the transformers.

Why didn’t Micheal Bay do Spiderman 3? Would have been so much better. And Venom wouldn’t have had raised webbing.

He was busy doing Transformers, dude.

Shame they couldn’t get Leonard Nimoy.

Shut up and talk it up. How do we do that without giving things away?

Easily, dude.

Yeah, Micheal Bay should have done Spiderman 3.

Micheal Bay should do all movies based on 80s licenses. Micheal Bay and his entire Transformer team. The decepticons were actually quite frightening in this one. They all looked pretty scary. Megatron actually scared me. I’ve never been scared of Megatron or Galvatron, but I was here. I could just see myself in the hanger (spoiler removed) and been like, crap, and running the hell out of there. Nicholas Cage is a joke.

That was random. And a self-contradiction.

Who cares about Nicholas Cage? Transformers!

Ooh, ooh, what if the mustang in this one went Ghost Rider?

Who f*****g cares about Ghost Rider? Transformers!

Wouldn’t you have loved to have seen the moment when the producers managed to re-cast the original Optimus Prime?

I wonder if he did it because he was being extorted or something. “If you don’t do this, it will suck. They will hate us, and they will come after you.”

But no one knows his face. He could be anywhere.

They’d listen for him, Mark. They’d listen for him.

Yeah, because he walks around using his Optimus Prime voice. I mean, I would, but…

Other movies that have taken cartoons from our childhoods have been doing it so wrong. It’s refreshing to see someone get it right. They were making other cartoon movies—Transformers was so good I can’t even remember which other movies they’ve molested our childhood with—the cartoons were made for children then, and so they made movies for children now. That is the wrong thing to do. Kids today don’t care about Ninja Turtles. They don’t care about anything we used to watch as kids. Transformers were ours. We aged twenty years. Micheal Bay aged the Transformers for us.

What else has Micheal Bay done? I now have faith in this man. I want to see what else he’s done. I’m committed to going and seeing his other movies so long as they’re not crap.

There will be sequels. They set it up for sequels.

I’d like to see them do Unicron.

They can’t yet. They have to wait a few movies.

Yes. They have to let the war build to a planet-wide scale before they even think of doing Unicron.

I guess truthfully, you can’t really screw Transformers up. It was pretty solid. There have been enough books and series, the groundwork was already there.

Remember the recent cartoons? Yes, you can screw Transformers up. I was holding out judgment just in case they did screw it up.

Mark the mistake you’re making is the movie was made for the old fans. The cartoons they were screwing up were for junior high kids. All you had to do to make a good movie was follow the groundwork. They really weren’t concerned about action figures for this movie. But if they make toys to match these, I will have to get three extra jobs just to pay for it all. This is the first movie I have ever seen where I would have changed NOTHING.

You said that about Hot Fuzz.

Hot Fuzz was comedy. You can’t even compare the two! Hot Fuzz gets the comedy spot.

I’m just saying that it’s not the first time you’ve said it.

Quit bringing Hot Fuzz up. Transformers!(Tylor shouts: Two exclamation points!)!(Thank you! Awesome.)TRANSFORMERS!!

Optimus Prime!

Yes, Optimus Prime is now my hero again. You could just about feel every guy in the theatre orgasm in his first scene.

Screw Griffins, I’m into Optimus Prime now.

What if Optimus Prime was a griffin?

Oh, don’t even tease.

Optimus Prime is God. I will form a religion. We will be called the optimums, and we will follow the church of Optimus Prime. Too bad he didn’t have a lot to say about people who want to follow his teachings.

Wouldn’t they be called Optimists?

Brilliant! You can be the leader!

Sweet.

Why not? L. Ron Hubbard made Scientology.

Don’t bring up the Scientologists. They’re too pissy. I don’t need Tom Cruise hiding in my closet.