 I used to know this guy who always said I had an answer for everything. I used to tell him to just stop asking questions I knew the answers to, but he seemed to have an endless supply. He spent so much time and effort trying to convince me I was a know-it-all, I actually started to believe it. That's right, he's convinced me I am omniscient. I am trying very hard to find my human limits, and in that spirit, Magi readers have rallied together to ask me questions, in the hopes that someday they can stump me. When that happens, I'll throw a huge party, in which Jason, Tylor and I get drunk, and the staff at Denny's have to deliver a whole extra combo platter to our table. That's right, our bill might even double. But enough about me, let's discuss the mysteries of the universe!
Hello Mr. Wordsmith
Why are glasses cylindrical? Isn't it discriminating against other geometrical shapes. What's wrong with a cube glass?
Sincerely,
Fifi DeLahoya
Nothing, Fifi. Nothing at all.
You must be in one of those backward neighborhoods, where they haven't accepted the word of the church of geometric glass. Personally, I only accept their word because I know they're good for it. I'm not really sure what they said, but they've never lied to me before. Also, my parents have octogonal glasses, and I'm reasonably sure they had cubic glasses on Star Trek, which has a well-known reputation for advancing cultural understanding. Except where those dirty Romulans are concerned. And those shifty Ferengi.
Quite sincerely,
Magi Wordsmith
Hey Wordsmith Dude!
Onions have layers. Lots of layers. How many? And why?
Joe
Good question, Joe.
Onions have layers because trees have layers, as well as secrets, lies, and tectonic plates. Onions came much later than all of these things, and didn't want to stand out too much. This is why there are different colors of onions, so that they can walk unnoticed among us. Enjoying that sundae? There could be an onion in there. How about that Hawaiian pizza? That's one of my nightmares. There could be an onion with you right now, as you read this. You would never know.
With you 'til the end,
Magi Wordsmith
Dear Wordsmith,
What's with the platypus? What would happen if you bred platypus/beaver hybrid? Would it take over the world? If so, will you join me in creating an army of platyvers or beatypus? Muhahahahahahahaha
From Prof. Schmitheisimevil
Dear Prof. Schmitheisimevil:
Shortly after reading your letter, I contacted a group known as Platypus: Every Night In Solitude. They have informed me that they are sick and tired of being the odd mammal out, and they want to rally to your cause, because it's been so long since the platypus rallied. I told them about your plan to bridge the inter-special gap between them and their beaver cousins, so that they could make the appropriate preparations.
Unfortunately, that's when they lost their enthusiasm. It wasn't, as I first suspected, a speciest prejudice against the beavers, but rather an enlightening look into the uniquely self-concious psyche of the platypus. A brief look, of course, as the psyche themselves are self-conscious, and didn't appreciate the moment's exposure. See, as soon as the platypus realised that your plan involved breeding them, they lost their enthusiasm, believing that none of the beavers would find them attractive enough to mate with.
I polled the local beaver population, and discovered, to my dismay, that the platypus were right. So I introduced kegs and coolers to both populations, and brought them together in a mixer. What followed was an orgy of bills and flat tails the likes of which the internet has never seen.
I'll keep you posted on the biological results.
More than a little disturbed,
Magi Wordsmith
to: wordsmith@magi-creations.com
Penis Enlarge Patch has anti-depressant properties, thus it is excellent for treating anxiety and/or depression that has a predominant sexual factor.
Carlton Bullard
That's great, Carlton. Thanks for sharing. Why do you know this? Actually, you know what? Nevermind.
With Confidence,
Magi Wordsmith
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